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   Last updated 11/03/02

 

 

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Listen to me when I speak to you!!

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A Story of Forbidden Passion

They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark, stormy night  The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed, he watched her jump.

 She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance. She wished he would take her in his arms, comfort her, protect her from  the storm, she wanted that.....

 Then the power went out. She screamed. 

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He did not hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn't resist, but instead clung to him.

  The storm raged on, as did their growing passion..... There came a moment when each knew they had to be together. They knew it was wrong.... that their families would not understand.... but.... so consumed in their passion, they didn't hear the door open... the click of the light switch.... the power was back on, and.... they were caught! 

 

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A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.

 The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet and I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking."

 She smugly added, "Why can't you?" 

The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said - "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep!"

"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."

Anonymous

 

How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Afghan: Light bulb? What light bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And he'll rewire the house while he's at it.
Italian Greyhound: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Poodle: Sorry, just had my nails done.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I?
Malamute: Let him do it, you can pet me while he's busy.
Springer: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Shiba-Inu: Zero! Shibas aren't afraid of the dark!
Collie: No, don't change it. If it's dark, maybe no one will see me sleeping on the couch.
Cocker: Why change it. It isn't hurting anyone and I am just as loving in the dark.
Chinese Crested: I can put it in, I can jump and spin !!!!

 

"To err is human, to forgive canine."      

Anonymous

"The best thing about a man is his dog"     

French Proverb

"If you get to thinkin' you're a person of influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around."

Cowboy Wisdom

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."

Robert Benchley

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."

Fran Lebowitz

When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled all day long.

Unknown

 

The Smart Dog...

A large dog walks into a butcher's shop with a pouch in its mouth.
He puts the pouch down and sits in front of the meat case and scratches at it.
"What is it, boy?" the butcher asks, joking around with his customers.

"Want to buy some meat?"
"Woof!" barks the dog.

"Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak--"
"Woof!" interrupts the dog.

"And how much steak? One pound, two pounds?"
"Woof!" says the dog.

The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse.

As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow.
The dog enters an apartment, climbs to the third floor, and begins to scratch on the door.
With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.

"Stop!" yells the butcher. "What are you doing?
That's the most clever animal I've ever seen!"

"Clever?" counters the man...
"This is the third time this week he's forgotten his keys!"

 

 

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